I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
