I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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