she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
