My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Can you bring me the toilet please
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Randomize
