dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Randomize
