She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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