T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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