You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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