and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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