i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
