WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
