Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
