I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
