Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
