The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
