I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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