official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
