im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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