i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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