Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
