I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
