Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
