You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
