wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
