I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
