Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
