My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
