My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
