At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
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