i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
