The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
