we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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