am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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