you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
