I could have mohawked her pubes.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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