I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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