the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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