god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
