No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
