remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
