Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
