it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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