I'm sorry my penis didn't work
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
