I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
