not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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