drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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