Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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