Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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