Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
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