At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Randomize
